10 hacks to work with your toddler in the room
Photo: Cindy Marie Jenkins
Every Sunday this September, Cindy Marie Jenkins' shares Work-at-Home-Parenting tips to help parents balance work and parenting. This article is the fourth and final article in the series, which focuses on how to create the right environment working at home with kids in tow.
It used to infuriate my husband that we set aside time for my work at night or on the weekend, and I wouldn’t respect my own boundaries with the kids. Being selfish with my work time is the hardest thing for me. I don't want them to feel like I'm ignoring them, but I also can't give them too much leeway or they'll take it all.
I had to put my foot down with myself and figured out some hacks to create the environment and expectations with your family that you need to accomplish your work.
Prepare snacks ahead of time
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Our current staples are apple slices with almond butter dip, veggie chips or pretzels with hummus and turkey rolled around a cheese stick. I often add a small pitcher of water next to 2 cups so they can pour their own drinks. Keep a towel underneath for spills.
Countdown to your start time
The earlier you can start this, the better, but all ages comprehend the concept of a countdown. I’d set a time for working and tell them the schedule from the minute they woke up (if it was in the morning) or as soon as I picked them up from camp/school (if in the afternoon). 'We’ll go home and have snacks, and in 30 minutes, I will sit down for my work time,' or 'We’ll have breakfast and I’ll make snacks, then in 30 minutes, I will sit at my desk to work.' I set a timer and begin setting up my workspace. I get dressed in business casual if I'm not already. I make time to sit with them and remind them every five minutes, then three, then two, then one, and buuuuuzzzzzzzzzz! There goes the alarm and I sit down to my desk.
Let them see you get ready for work
As mentioned above, I show them how I prepare for work, even if it’s just straightening up. They watch their father shower, get dressed and pack his bags every day before he leaves the house. If they see me performing similar actions, it clicks in their head that this work is just as important, even if I am in their sights.
Set a timer
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In our new apartment, the desk area is nestled in a corner of the living room. That does give me some space away from brick builds or superhero quests, but we are still in the same room. I use the same technique here as I did for summer camp: I have a piece of paper that clearly states the start time for work and the end time. When they inevitably interrupt me, I can point to the sign, then to the clock. It isn't foolproof, but it works more than half the time.
Join or create online workgroups
I stick to my time much more if I have a workgroup. When the kids interrupt, it is nice to point to my computer screen and say, 'Look there. That’s my friend Racquel, and she is leading me through this work session. I need it quiet so I can hear her and do this work.' Then I refer them to the clock image with my end time.
Close the door
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Writer and publisher Arielle Haughee told me this trick. She started 'Quiet Time' with her children. They go into their room for an hour and have free time, but the rule is 'If no one’s bleeding, don’t talk to me.' I haven’t yet been able to make this work in my home, and I so admire it!
Give them separate space in and near your workspace
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This begins with a 'Yes Space' for babies and evolves as they do. My youngest has his little chair in a corner of my office, with his art supplies set up. This way, I just have to allow him to use one of my highlighters once in a while to keep him happy. My oldest likes to watch PBS Kids on the monitor next to mine while I work. He asks me to give him his own 'work' to do, like wipe away mazes or drawing his own book when I needed the work-time to write mine. Which gets me to...
Involve them so they understand
Photo: Cindy Marie Jenkins
It’s that ancient proverb attributed to Confucius. I take time out of my non-working hours to explain what I do so it isn’t abstract to them. I work mostly online and with people my kids haven’t met, so it’s even more important that I take time to show them. This includes making a blog for my oldest when he asked and pointing to books in stores to explain that if I have the time to do my work, then one day he will see my book in a store too, and in the library, and won’t that be great! It’s worth it just to see the smile spread over his face, but it also pays off to show a physical culmination of all that work time you need.
Tucker them out
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I started this blog in the morning. I can only finish it now, at 5pm, because I picked up the kids from camp and promptly took them to an indoor playground. Beijing has many to try until you find the place where you feel comfortable doing research or drafting a report on your phone while watching them play. Three hours there and now they’re happily at home, using clay across the table from me while I work.
When work time is done, immediately play with them
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Once I close my laptop, the cuddles start. That way, they see the clear distinction of work and play time and feel like I want to be with them as much as I want to work. Sometimes I have to pee so badly when the alarm goes off, but I always have a quick tickle of connection before the bathroom.
Speaking of which, there’s my alarm. Time to cuddle!
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